Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Up-To-The-Minute Commercial-free Sawsan Tuffaha-Like News Coverage From Hareega


** A small fire broke in the Queen Alia Airport yesterday. The fire was controlled quickly. The folks at Royal Jordanian received this news with excitement. They're planning on making this an excuse for delays of their next 700 flights.

** The movie "The Dark Knight" opened with a huge success. It tells the story of a joker who robs money then tricks people into killing each other causing chaos around him. The movie will be released on DVD in this winter under a different title, "The biography of George W. Bush".
** Iraq was banned from participating in the Olympic Games in China this year. The seven Iraqi athletes who were expected to participate expressed their disappointment.
Those seven are not the best athletes in the country. They're just the only seven Iraqis left who were not blown out, lost a limb or fled outside the country.

The stock market in Beijing took a large hit last week, especially after announcing that "the Iraqis" will not be coming to town.

* An Egyptian construction worker in Amman died after falling from a building under construction. His body will be sent to Prince Hamzah Hospital. The Egyptian Embassy in Amman was furious. They sent a letter to the prime minister stating, "We know you're responsible for his death and we're totally OK with it, but to send his body to that hospital is something you'll be held accountable for".

* The Turkish soap opera star "Muhannad" is visiting Jordan these days. That follows a visit by Barack Obama last week. If someone has to visit Amman these days he's got to be very popular, very charismatic and very sexy, or anything that's the exact opposite of Yasser Arafat.

* Brazilian football star Ronaldinho told reporters that he was "reborn" after joining AC Milan this season. It looks like vigorous-ass-kissing until-the-ass-turns-red is the only way to maintain the original red color of the Milan shirts these days.

* A 37-year old Jordanian lady was pronounced dead in a hospital in Ramtha. The husband made all the cumbersome funeral arrangements before being told of the news that she was actually still alive. To pay for their mistake and save the expenses of the funeral the hospital offered to go back and kill the lady; the husband only has to do is start a rumor that she was sleeping with the janitor.

* Two medical helicopter crashed in Arizona last month. No medical helicopter showed up to carry the injured to any hospital.

* The son of Muammar al-Qaddafi was arrested in Switzerland after beating two of his servants. His pregnant wife was also arrested with him. Apparently someone told her she should always be above her husband and under the law but when she was under the influence she got those mixed up.
* It appears that Iran's influence in the region is increasing. Top US official had talks with the Iranians last week. Countries in the region are becoming nicer to the Iranians. Jordan is no exception. In fact, HM Queen Rania is working on a new youtube video praising the freedom of women in Iran.

* After receiving several complaints, Dubai decided to segregate its public beach into an area for single men and another area for women and families.
This is expected to increase the number of people going to the beach. Today more than 10 thousand people were observed flocking to the men's beach, and these only were the members of the International Gay Association.

They also hired a new Jordanian guy at the entrance of the women/family beach. Among all the applicants for the job he was the guy best able pronounce "kubblez bleez".
* There is a concern in Jordan about the large numbers of Armenians who have immigrated outside Jordan in the past few decades. Some of the reasons quoted is that their businesses were not running too well.
However with the large number of Jordanians having to sell their jewelry, this immigration is expected to slow down.

4 comments:

mab3oos said...

you should have ended it this way:
أسعد الله مسائكم و لِأردننا كل الحب
just like غالب الحديدي

what happened to عفاف قضماني ؟

Ali said...

This is just great news coverage, keep it coming. I liked the:
Bush - Joker
Iraq - Olympics
Soap Opera

truely funny

Anonymous said...

It's acutally Abu Dhabi, not Dubai that is segregating their beach :)

Hareega said...

maf3oos.. i have no idea, but will include them in future news

ali.. thanks man

anonymous.. thanks for the correction!