Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Fart in the Dark
Every while and then I keep thinking of the philosiphy of farting. On Average a human being farts 14 times everyday. If i have a patient who's constipated I always ask him whether or not he farted, if he did it's a good sign the bowels are moving. If not... then hmmmm there's a problem because everyobody should be farting.
Some patients don't like the question although I always put it in a nice way "passed gas, flatus??" . An old man once felt really offended and turned the question back on me , to which i answered, "I just did".
The question which has been bothering me for two decades is why do people tend to fart more in the dark. The answer which makes most sense is that people tend to see farting as a shameful thing to do in public, despite the great feeling it brings (unless it's followed by an undesirable biological outcome) . Therefore, once the lights are out, the music begins, bommm bommm bommm chuck chuck ewww ewww bomm bomm chuck ewwww ewww
When I'm doing the long calls in the hospital I might be sitting next to another one writing orders and checking lab results on the computer, when suddenly I hear the voice "bomm bomm" and I look around in horror but to find someone beside me smiling "it's me dude"... 15 minutes later another missile and again "dude dude it's me stop looking jeeez".
The puzzle comes when someone you barely know farts really loud and you don't know what to do, shall I ignore it or just give him a smile enno weslatna 3ammo ya3teek el 3afyeh or pretend it's his way of saying hello and in that case lazem arodd el salaam bi salaam thaani agwa menno.
When you're with your friends you feel free to fart, otherwise they're not true freinds. However some farts will be remembered for years to come. Every while and then you can stop a friend and tell him "btzakkar man lamma ro7na 3al kal7a o lamma rje3na 3al bait daggena bi 3 kyaas gthameh o ba3deeha 7adertak farra3'et el 7umooleh bi wejhi??"
Everyobody farts so don't be ashamed of being a human being, just don't be too human in front of me and keep your farts to a minimum. However in case you're having a conversation and all what you're saying is stupid and doesn't make sense, fart. Fart immediately as people will remember this fart more than your stupid illogical words, as the Arabic proverb says "Law Fasait o ma Hakait".