Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Anxiety Problems

2001

Just arrived to the US

Not knowing where to stay in Connecticut or how to pronounce Connecticut , I found a room at an old lady's house, for 400 dollars a month, great deal, and I had no other options.

She was 80 years old and bitchin'

On the phone, she told me "Will you be comfortable living with Heidi?"

I said, "Oh yeah, I'll be very comfortable living with Heidi"

She said, "Great. She's a pure German Shepherd"

I'm not a friend with animals. I fear them and they fear me, but this was my only option, I was ready to live with a dinosaur if I had to.

We met and she introduced me to Heidi, Heidi jumped and licked my hand, and I froze for fifteen minutes.

For the next three days I locked myself inside my room to avoid Heidi.
I had to go to work every morning, I used to sneak out barefoot from my room so I wouldn't wake up Heidi, and I would wear my shoes outside. The old lady noticed that I was not the dog's best friend.

On the fifth day, I returned home in the evening and found that all my clothes and books are covered with shit. It was clear that Heidi has defecated on all my belongings while I was not there. I told the old lady.

the old lady screamed at me, "You're a doctor, do you think she has cancer?"

I said, "Yes, and she might die soon"

the lady was horrified, "Maybe I should take her to a vet"

The day after that, July 3rd , which I remeber very well, I returned home thinking, "I hope the bitch took the bitch to a doctor so she'd stop shitting on my stuff"

I opened the door and the old lady looked at me very seriously.

"Listen, I took Heidi to psychiatrist today, and he told me that she is suffering from an anxiety problem because of you"

I looked at the lady , "Anxiety problem?"

She said, "Yes , she's very anxious because of you, you're a stranger and my sweet Heidi is not comfortable with you in the house. You have to leave now. Hurry up and pack your clothes, I found you another place to go to. I don't want you to live on the street, and I'll give you the 400 dollars back."

I was shocked. "Ok can't we go tomorrow?"

She said, "No, No, I told you she has an anxiety problem. You have to leave NOW"

I felt the old lady was more anxious than her dog and I didn't want her to get a heart attack because I needed someone to drive me to my new location, so I went back to my room and started packing my luggages that I unpacked only a few days back.

I couldn't believe she took her to a psychiatrist. I remembered how in Jordan we had people trying to kill themselves and their whole tribe and claim they were Bill Clinton and James Bond before their families would even consider taking them to a psychiatrist, and now this dog went to see a dog psychiatrist for her "anxiety problem".

The old lady dropped me at my new location. It was also the house of another senior citizen.

She greeted me with a smile, "Welcome to my house, so you're a medical student?"

"Yes"

"From where?"

"Jordan"

"Is that in Tennessee?"

"No it's in the Middle East, next to Iraq, Syria, Turkey, Saudi Arabia...."
(That was before 9/11)

"Hmmmmm.... ???"

"Western Asia"

"I see, close to Russia?"

"Kinda..."

She hesitated for a few seconds, then added, "I heard you eat dogs there"

"No, we don't, we don't eat dogs"

"Do you eat cats"

"No we don't eat cats either"

"Good, because I have a cat" and she pointed a golden fat cat sitting arrogantly on sofa next to the TV.

With all my courage, I went to the cat , hugged it and kissed it on its disgusting small nose or whatever protrusion there was between the eyes. The cat was shocked and gave me a loud Meawww and the lady smiled back at me.

I went to bed that night, praying for him to keep all the anxiety problems away from our cats and dogs.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

And I second your prayer ..
LOL .. so she took the dog to a psychiatrist .. I wonder how did the psychiatrist communicate with the dog to discover the main cause of its "Anxiety problem" with you .. I am guessing the lady had that problem with you .. but she nailed it to her dog :) ..

Thanks for the laugh :)

Roba said...

LOL! Nas akher zaman.

Anonymous said...

Mahowy it's all your fault.

Howcome you won't make friends with "Heidi" the dog?!

Are you better than the bitch?

LOL. Yella baseetah et3eesh ew tokel gheerha :-)

Islamic ChoCoHoLic said...

LOOOOL! hahaahha is there a pet psychiatrist?!! there is a 5 star hotel opening in DUBAI soon... for CATs & DOGs..... *sigh*

hiedi 2aaal! does she look like a hiedi or more like a SAb3 il BOROMBA :P

u made me lol :P

salam said...

Yo be honest,I don't blame the lady for taking this much care of her only life companion.True,some humans don't get a fraction of that treatment but then again they don't live with her,they're not her life partners,she doesn't owe them that.If she did not take this much care of her dog,this will not result in any other person's life improvement..so why not!

Rambling Hal said...

OK, I read this at work, I laughed so hard but I tried to do it silently, so I almost shocked and I turned a bit green, but that's ok, I'm fine now.

Man, this cracked me up. Heheheheh, not knowing how to pronounce connecticut! 80 years old and bitchin'! Freezing for 15 minutes!

Dude, turns out u have a talen OTHER than saving lives. Awesome. If your day job doesn't work out, just write out a book about Hareega in the US. You will definately go places.

Anonymous said...

"Do you eat cats?"
LOOOL
Man, your posts are very funny :D

Luna Piena said...

that was FUCKING HILARIOUS!

Hareega said...

Tealover... I don't know about these animal psychiatrists, I wish I can spend one week in their medical schools to see how do they learn

Roba :)

anonymous.. i can't stand up to bitches!

islam chocholic... dogs in america live better than many humans elsewhere, i blame the humans !

salam, i know , pets are just part of the family here, i'm all pro-taking care of animals and against abusing them, i don't hate it when animals are being treated well but i hate the conditions that lead to animals getting more rights than many humans elswhere in the world

Rambling-Hal... yep during my whole month there people used to stare at me whenver i'd say KonneKtiKaaat

amer and luna pinea, thank you :)

saned said...

haha...good one,

Do u still live in CT? I live in New Haven!

Hareega said...

Saned, no, i left ConneKticut after that, alla y3eenak 3a new haven i went there for 2 days and thought there was more fun in el jafer than new haven

saned said...

lol...yeah...new haven is mmm, I don't think if it even qualifies as a dumpster..bas yalla..kolha 4 yrs o b3dain nshof Allah wein y76ni!...So where did u study medicine and where do u live now?

Hareega said...

from Jordan, I live now in Arizona, not too close to konnektikut

saned said...

wow..u must really hate conneKKKKKticut now dont u? :)

Balfoot said...

As I always say, the only pet I would have is a pet that I can eat.