Sunday, March 16, 2008

Ten Things Every Jordanian Man Should Know Before Coming to USA

1- When you stop at a gas station for gas, don't expect an Egyptian guy to fill gas for you. You have to do it yourself.

2- You won't get rich just by coming to America. They don't have people at the airport handling you money as you step out of the plane.

3- It's rude to say the word "fuck" in each conversation you have. Also you should avoid saying the word "nigger". Some black people find it little offensive. Just because you hear these words on TV doesn't mean you can say them yourself.

4- Not all women are hookers. Not all women want to sleep with you.

5- You should never say that you hate animals. Even if you do you should never say it. People will think you're a moron if you do. Same thing applies to Jews, blacks, Mexicans, Asians, Indians, women, and gays.

6- Don't make fun of people's last names, or first names. And if your last name is a twenty-letter three-syllabus word don't get angry if Americans don't pronounce it correctly. There's a reason why most Arab Americans are nick-named Sam.

7- The way you get a driving ticket in the US is by a policeman driving behind your car and flashing his lights behind you. If this happens you should stop and stay in your car. Do not step down from your car and move towards the cop to convince him not to give you a ticket, you might get shot; i.e. killed.

8- Don't kiss men on their cheeks. Most men will not take that well, while a minority of them will kiss you back, but not on the cheek.

9- Always lie about your salary when you talk to people in Jordan. If you get 40,000 US dollars they'll assume you earn 40,000 JDs, and assume you don't pay taxes. They'll think you're damn rich.

10- If an ambulance or a fire truck are driving behind you with the sirens on, move out of their way. Do not try to race with them. Trust me on this :(

17 comments:

nido said...

#8 is funnyyyyy!!
As for #1, I drove my husband crazy the first couple of times for me at the gas station here, asking him for instructions, step by step:pp That was an improvement after having him filling it for me the first few times :D

Sharkooseh said...

hehehe very funny and true :o)someone can be rich anywhere i guess, I HATE CATS! :P do u think there is shortcut for Qoughandoqa! thats my last name! i dont drive! and i wont have any prob kissing guys on cheek :D, about the salary, ppl think that anyone who works in the us is rich!

Qwaider قويدر said...

For #1, It's not the case everywhere! In Oregon, I was surprised that this guy came to my car and started filling it up, I was like: "what are you doing!" and he said, it's the law over here!
Awesome law :) I wish we had it here in WA

Kristen Bjorg said...

Here in South-Carolina,where I live, there is not one gas station that will give a lady like me service.

So I thank GOD for a Palestinian man from Jerusalem,Israel who helped me fill up my gas at a gas station.He understood,where I was coming from, when I told him that it is a man's job to fill cars with gas.He is a man after my own heart.

I am amazed how strong and powerful the women are in America.Especially in the American churches.

asoom said...

I totally second #4!

asoom said...

I totally second #4!

Saned! said...

I think 1, 5, 8 and 10 are the most important. and 8 is really funny :D

Batoul A. said...

You've done #10 haven't you? lol.. did you get a free car wash? haha.

yasaminatdimashq said...

Lol, this is funny but very useful, I totally agree with you :)

kinzi said...

HAREEEEEEEEEEEEEEGA!!

Oh, how you make me laugh!!

Brilliant!!

I have a special bone to pick about #3. It seems here people think Jesus Christ has a middle name that begins with "F". Mohammed gets peace upon him, Jesus gets the f-word. I think I will write a post about it, and maybe I will stage a protest around some Embassy and burn a flag or two. :)

Rambling Hal said...

:D :D :D :D

And let me guess. You learned all that the hard way? :D

Hareega said...

nido, your husband is patient!

sharkoosheh... i hate cats and dogs and parrots too, as for your last name go by Q !

Qwaider... yeah this law is great, if we had it in Arizona the number of Mexicans in town will double overnight

Kristen... good for you!

asoom, second or fourth? j/k :)

saned, thanks!

batoul, almost did, no free car wash but "almost" a free overnight stay at the slammer

Yasmine, thanks, spread the word!

Kinzi, it's amazing the amount of "respect" Jesus gets on TV. I have HBO and I can tell you there's too much respect for him on it!

Hal, sometimes you gotta learn it the hard way, it's the best way to learn! Gladly I haven't learned kissing men on the cheek the hard way, I'm so grateful I didn't

asoom said...

"second or fourth?"

LOOOOOOOOOOL, HILARIOUS!

my grandma wants to know what I'm laughing now...

Dave said...

Yeah, that's a great list, and all true.

Sam said...

ah all those r so true...not speaking from experience..but i am sure u r eh? so come on fill us in..what happened u raced the ambulance? or was it a fire truck??

for #1 u can always just go to a full service station...i always do that in winter...but in the summer i go to a self serve....yeh i know im cheap!

Hareega said...

sam, i'm cheap too !

Dave, thanks for reading!

tinkerbella said...

LOOOOOOOOOOL...ya haram ya hareega, sheklak ekteer etghalabet when u first came!