Friday, June 15, 2007

Diary from Arizona- Bart Three

Ta7iyyeh gawiyyeh men Arizona, 3aroos el janoob o thagher amerika el basem, ard kol el amreechan men shatta el manabet wal osool

I'm still living in the same place for the past 2 years, a nice apartment in a complex, the complex consists of a few buildings each has 4 apartments, next to me lives a young lady who appreciates beer very much.

She calls her friends every while and then and sometimes I join them in drinking very cheap beer. Ana baskar men shaffeh so I don't risk drinking too much but it's very enjoyable watching them drinking the annual beer production of Germany in one night. She has a six-year daughter from her first boyfriend, they were not married fa ya3ni zay ma tgoolo 3endha bent haram. She has a new boyfriend who, and I'm not making this up, met in a DUI class (class for drunk drivers) and he also worships beer. Kol yomain thalatheh beejo 3endi o besalbeto 3al mashrobaat el roo7iyyeh bel thallajeh o beglebo wejehhom then I started getting pissed off. Once she told me she wanted to marry me hatha o sa7ebha el mhawwi ga3ed -I don't know if it was the beer or the marijuana effect- and although I always try to display Jordan in a very positive way (that can be difficult sometimes) I told her that we always beat women on their birthdays as a tradition and we eat dogs. That scared the shit out of her and she stopped stopping by especially that she has a big dog who will probably expire in the next six months.

It sucks to see a big dog die. When I first moved in he was so active , always barking, pissing and shitting on every occasion but now he's sleeping all the time and sometimes I pass by him and even say "meyaw meyaw" and he still doesn't do anything.

The other neighbor lives in the apartment below me with his wife. He is 50, and he's been a recovering alcoholic for 20 years but I don't think he has recovered yet.



The residents in the 4th apartment keep changing every few months. Once a bunch of guys lived there and brought their whole family from Guadalajara and on top of that brought some dogs that they were treating very badly. Once my other neighbor was sober enough to call 911 and report "dog torture". The administration of the apartment complex were pissed off so they fired the whole family from their apartment. That happened at the same day my jordanian friend told me how back in Jordan they once squeezed a huge wooden stick up the ass of an ass (really a donkey) bi 7aret-hom in jordan then they set his tail on fire and he suffered until he died one hour later and they were all the time dancing around him and laughing bi nuss deen el share3 bi 3amman.




I will be finishing my residency in internal medicine in 3 weeks. It was tough, enjoyable, and occasionally disgusting. Medicine is the most disgusting job on earth, you sometimes see the patient's butt before seeing his face. I worked in the Emergency Room for a few weeks, and once we had a very big guy come in complaining of "an anal condition" most likely bawaseer. He had it for 4 months but decided to come to the ER when I was on-call. I took a look at it and it didn't look too good, so I referred him to see a surgeon next day. Another doctor, who was unfortunately my boss, decided to treat him in the emergency room instead and insisted that I do it even though it wasn't my field.

Goltello gool o ghayyer bas el zalameh 3azam 3alay o ana ma kont beddi afashlo. So I brought the patient and told him yalla ya ostaaz jonathan etfaddal eshal7 awa3eek khallena nshoof hal teez el 7elweh. I spent more than half an hour fixing whatever he had in his butt, had to stay a distance of no more than 5 cm so I can inspect the very details well. I felt very sorry for the patient because he wasn't seeing anything while his cheeks were wide open and 2 people touching it in different places and saying "very interesting" every while and then. The problem is that just following that I had my only break of the day so I had to eat lunch immediately afterwards. For some reason lunch that day tasted so much better.




One busy night in the ICU, I was putting a big IV in someone's neck and the nurse, I don't wanna use her real name so I'll just call her bitch, was helping me. For some reason and I like to believe it was a mistake, pushed the needle filled with the patient's blood into my face. I got angry and called her a few names in Arabic and from the way I was talking I'm sure she realzied my language was very dirty. I felt like shocking her with the 360-joule defibrillator and throwing her from the 8th floor.



I had a few lady doctors as my supervisors in the ER, for some unkown reason they were all lesbians. I'm still trying to know what's the reason behind that. Anyway I really enjoyed working with them especially that we had the same taste in women. Last summer I was busy watching the world cup. Unfortunately the earth rotates around itself so all the games were in the morning in US time and I had to record them and watch them after I got back from work. It's the best thing ever to have two world-class kick-ass football games waiting for you when you get back home. For me, it's much better than having a wife waiting for you to ask how did your routinely boring day went or a kid who will soon shit on the floor or piss on your face while eating your only meal of the day.


I'm still waiting for my American friends to realzie that football should not be called soccer and for them to stop asking "why haven't they played the 2 other quarters of the game" thinking that football is 4 quarters.

After I'm done with Internal Medicine I'll start a subspeciality (fellowship) in infectious disease. I'm still having a very hard time explaining to people especially in Jordan what infectious disease is, unfortunatley people think that unless a doctor befta7 batenhom bil nuss aw banezaell barbeesh men thumhum aw bekhazeghom 50 marra ma3nato hatha mesh taktoor. Anyway one of my interests is treating AIDS patients and from what I'm hearing about Jordan these days enshalla I'll be having some excellent business when I come back. Maybe I have to make a contract with a few massage places to refer their patients to me. I always pray for tafashi el hamaleh wal en7ilaal el akhlaaqi bayna shababena beddi alagi shogol bas arja3.

I was at my friend's house last week, we were having a barbecue, I was leaving his house to get something and when I opened the door next to his garden I noticed a barbeesh tooloh abu meter. I thought to myself ma absha3 hal barbeesh , then looked at it how it wasn't connected to anything.

I kept looking at it and noticed that its end is hooked, then noticed that from the front a long togue was sticking , I finally, finally, realized that this was a snake. I always like to act tough especially if there are Lebanese or Syrians around who I call "shabab el waifer", but when I saw the 7anash just next to my foot I started running wana baltom zay el majannen bil aflam el masriyyeh. My friend from inside called animal control and the snake expert Julio ajana labes short o sormayeh o ballash ydawer 3al 7ayyeh, eventually found it inside a jar. He told us that we should have kept it becuase it a snake that can eat the small insects and rats in the garden. I suggested to my friend to bring ten of these to clean up his house.



My friend Carlos had his parents and almost all of his family visit from Paraguay. I took them to have a good explosive masnaf meal at the local Jordanian resstaurant. I referred to every food they liked including Tabbuleh, Shawerma, and Falafel as a pure Jordanian dish that had spread to other areas in the region and for the food they didn't like as Egyptian food with bad taste.

25 comments:

Luai said...

What a riot!!! Extremely funny. Couldn't quite make out the first paragraph though.

Congrats on wrapping up the residency and best of luck as you move on.

Mohanned said...

I always do the last part, everything good is jordanian;)
Love that man.. And congrats "taktoor"

Imad said...

Very entertaining Blog...Bas ma ajabni this "baskar min shafta"...LOL.. Must not be from madaba...

Globalorama said...

infectious diseases? Ya3ni itgharrabit kol ha sneen 3alashan t3alij rash7ah o 7asbeh.

ya taktoor congratulations.

do they still have rivaneen, tusifeen, banadol in Jordan?

7aki Fadi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
7aki Fadi said...

LOL.

OMG I have not laughed so hard for a while!

HAHAHAHAHA.... zaman 3an 2osasak ya Hareega!

7aki Fadi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
7aki Fadi said...

And by the way...where the heck do you live???...lol..jeeranak kulhom ma3ateeh

Mohanned said...

7aki,
DUH, arizona-->Red state-->white trash..

Anonymous said...

Geeeeeeez! that was hilarious and extremely disturbing at the same time! i dont whats worse the arizona white trash or the backward jordanian donkey story...i think ill stay away from both places! i gotta check out parts 1 & 2 ! ~Zoey

kinzi said...

Hareega, ya zellameh, bagoolak, spellbound min hi post. ROFL!!

Oh, apartment stories, endless source of wild goings on.

Hareega said...

Luai... thanx a lot

mohannad... Alla ybarek feek

imad... I'm sure something has changed in my genes alcohol is not my best friend!

globalorma.. hassa bawsalek , alla ybarek feeki
i think they have panadol and rivanin , same as tylenol in the US

7aki fadi... it's supposed to be a decent complex, but looks like not everyone is that "decent"

Zoey... thanx dude

Hareega said...

kinzi.. i know, very wild at times

Citizen N~ said...

Turns out i'm not the only one wanting to specialize in infectious :D and my freinds call me a freak , lol. Mabrook doc , and it's a good thing that u want to come back to jordan , most ppl i know just get stuck there after studying and never come back. And don't worry you'll do great .

ilm said...

hehe;)) that was totally risible.
I totally agree, medicine is the most shitty job at times.

Who's-sane! said...

LOL hareega, looks like a very interesting years you've spent in Arizona

FATEN said...

7araaaaaaam 3alek 7naki betwajje3ni menel do7ok man this post is just hilarious.
Alf mabrouk o 3o2bal whatever it is that comes next ya doctoooor.

Tiger said...

congrats doctor dont worry count on hamalet el shabab ..

very funny post..:)

Gardenia said...

everything good is Jordanian? how mean! :)

Rula said...

Congrats doctor!! You really have an amazing way of blogging that I couldn't quit reading :)

Bassel said...

walak enta 3ala rassy....
etha ejeet 3al urdun bas gully...
7abeb ashoofak.

ba3dein leish btes2al 3an el lesbian doctors : la2enno ma fe zalameh braso 3agel byetjawaz doctorah...so....ma fe rjaal....so they turn to women...

Aftehar said...

Hareega
LOL gotta love tucson.

do you need a pharmacist with HIV specialty?you know where to find me.

good luck wrapping up the residency and the start of the fellowship.

Hareega said...

thanx for reading

Afteha I'm not sure if they need an HIV pharmacist, I have to ask when I start in July.

Lubna said...

tsalet w ana bakra2.. jidan

Lamoos said...

Good luck 7aroog and mabrook

AND

Looooool at all the rest!

from jordanian dishes to lesbian supervisors to altom like they do in egyptian series.