Monday, November 24, 2008

Recipe For Singles: How Not To Cook a Beef Tongue

After miserably failing to find a couple of good mushy juicy testicles, I decided to look for a tongue and found a 10-pound beef tongue at Walmart. When I was looking at the tongue in the meat section I felt it talking to me, "Take me home and cook me" and so I did.

Here is my recipe on how NOT to cook a 10-pound beef tongue:

1- Do not pre-heat you cooking pan for 30 minutes
2- Do not add a mixture of fluids consisting of olive oil and soy milk.
3- Then do not add barbecue sauce to that mixture.
4- Do not throw the previously cut pieces of tongue inside the pan and cover it.
5- Do not add parsley, fried parsley does not taste good.
6- Sixty minutes later, after you've realized this meal will taste horrible, do not add half the bottle of red wine that you bought 2 years earlier and never opened. Just adding wine to whatever you're cooking does not elevate your meal to something that belongs to the French cuisine.
However, If you insist on adding the wine, make sure your fire alarm is off. The tongue-BBQ sauce-wine reaction is not pretty.
7- Eventually, after you have realized that your meal is ruined, do not try to cover up the taste by adding six eggs to it. That is a waste of eggs.
8- Your meal is now ready, do not enjoy.

Anyway, if you don't know what I want for Christmas, here's a hint :)

19 comments:

Batoul A. said...

Backward Sunday?? lool
Tongue? Testicles? You can add that to the list why you're a single man lool.

mab3oos said...

lol. Too bad that tongue left you hungry. I would suggest following Mimicook's blog for some easy, quick, and delicious recipes.

maroo said...

OMG !! tongue !! leh el 2zza 6yb ??

Hareega said...

Batoul, I'll never stop eating these.

maf3oos... I ate half of it, it sucked but it was enough to fill me up.

maroo... if tongues are cooked well they are very delicious

Summer said...

I do not do tongues or testicles!!! but thanks mab3oos for the suggestion.
tongue is a tough part to eat, lots of muscles and not very tender...the longer you cook it the toughter it gets... just the name of it is not appealing to try cooking, let alone eating it!!!
but are you sure it was 10 pounds???

kinzi said...

@ @
O

I am grossed out, but you get credit for trying to make it work!! You are SO funny!!

Summer, oh voice of reason. Wouldn't tongue be sliced or diced and served with other things?

kinzi said...

oh yea, check out www.thepioneerwoman.com for her, um 'calf-nuts' recipes.

One animal part that can be had w/o killing the critter. You would make PETA and Arianna very proud. ;)

Whisper said...

u remind me with my youngest brother one day when he was 5 years old he asked my dad to bring him tongues

and after cocking it,from the first sight my brother stop and said
"mama i didn't like it ,it has 'garafeem' at it's surface"
he means germs looool
and that was the first and last time some thing like this entered our house :)

Hareega said...

Summer, yes as far as I remember it was 10, or it could have been 5 pounds and the price was 10? bcoz it's 2 dollars/pound?? Not sure, but this thing was HUGE , very huge. As they say in some women's magazines the tongue is the toughest muscle in the human body.

Kinzi... I think you should soak it with spices then cook it, but I promised myself not to advise anyone on tongue cooking so just listen to Summer.

Whisper, reconsider your decision of not eating tongues. You can peel off the yucky-looking surface and eat the inside meat.

7aki Fadi said...

HAHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Devilstine™ said...

ya maskeeeeeen! abel youmeen mama 3mlat fatet lsanat! :D it was great! Here in sydney you can find tongues every where! tough luck! :D

Hareega said...

devilstine, good to know there's another tongue lover thousands of miles away from me

Devilstine™ said...

hehe! cm'on they taste good!

Sam said...

kinzi so they take the little guy's nuts while he is alive? ewwwww...poor little calf!
and i guess these stuff could taste good...but they have to be cooked by people who know what they are doing....but i'd never cook that stuff..and iam glad that the worst hubby asks me to cook is liver..which i would do once a year because it is gross...ewwwwww...ok iam about to lose my bkfast i'll stop talking..

Hareega said...

Sam what's wrong with the liver? It looks like you're not good friends with eating any part of the digestive tract. My point is that the animals is dead anyway, why not eat him all.

Sam said...

i never minded liver when mama used to cook it...i ate it all the time...but that was before i had to feel it raw to cut it up...ewwwww..now i make it for hubby sometimes ...but i refuse to eat it...ewww..

suha said...

ahh toungue?? testicles??
so umm you couldnt find a nice chicken breast at the store?

eggs and bbq sauce I say get your taste buds checked!!

lost within said...

O_O!!!
lsanat w testicles!?!

shu bde a7ke !
sa7tein 7areega !

Hareega said...

sa7tain 3a albko