Thursday, October 04, 2007

Jordanian Facebook-ers, Listen to the Word

Ten things you should and shouldn't do on facebook

1- No more bikini pictures please! Your french bikini might match your thick lebanese accent but the hair under your armpit is enough to cover the heads of ten bald men.

Next time a picture of you with little clothes covering you up will be in the morgue after your distant cousin chops your head off.

2- Stop making groups saying, "If a thousand people joined this group, my insecure ugly cracked up friend will come visit us in Jordan this year"

Excuse me, but is he the new Messiah coming to Jordan to save the world? And if these groups do work I'll make a one, "If one thousand people joing this group we'll cut his head off and make this head his new profile picture"

3- When updating your status, write something useful or shut the hell up.

Don't write "I'm at work". We know it's a surprise that you got off your ass and started working, but why are you announcing that?

And those annoying losers who never stop counting.... from day 30, "30 days to go, 29 days to go, 28 days to go..."
I feel they wake up every morning to log in and change the number.
If I give a shit about what you're counting down for, I would have called on day "30 to go" to ask. If I care about you I would have known what are you counting down for without checking facebook.

4- For some relatives, I'm sorry if I didn't add you as a "super-relative" or "super-friend" on facebook. I didn't know you ever existed before facebook came out.

5- For those idiots who post their birthdate and address and email on facebook, are you crazy? Don't you morons hear about identity theft? Don't you know that 70% of identity thefts are done by people who know you? May you also leave your credit card number and three of your contacts in case I needed them? If you're such an idiot then you deserve it.

6- Stop joining all these "I'm Christan/Muslim and very proud" groups. I'm not God but I can assure you the angels are not dancing in heaven when someone joins these group. The last time you were religious was when you prayed to not be caught kissing in the car.

7- You can't start a group for charity purposes and not donate anything. You can't support Darfur when you can't locate it on the map. You can't join a group to help poor kids when the members in the group are more than the money you've ever donated to anyone, including the beggars you cuss when they knock on your car's window.

8- I know you have a multiple personality disorder, but you don't have to prove that by placing more than one person in your profile picture.

9- You don't get to be my friend if you haven't called me in five years. My drunk neighbor knows about me more than you do and I don't even call her a friend, at least not when she gets arrested.

10- Having 700 friends doesn't mean you're popular. Having pictures of you hanging near the swimming pool edge doesn't mean you're a good swimmer, and all kids under the age of 3 months are very ugly. They look like zombies with their bald heads and protruded eyes so stop taking pictures of them. Besides, it's really hard to capture the rare moment when they're not screaming, peeing on the floor or shitting in your face.

Respect to the world,


secratea said...

Ya hareega, are you done with your rant?.. haddi, wallahi miii mistahleh elsalfeh(with the Karaki accent) :D Let people do what they want on facebook, and you can simply block the mini-feeds from your facebook homepage. That way, you won't see people's updated status, groups they join, pics they add,... etc. :D

Anonymous said...

And taking pool pictures with random trashy girls at your appartment complex does not make you look cool!
And stop puckering up every third picture, it's so gross.
And the list goes on :)

The Observer said...

"Stop joining all these "I'm Christan/Muslim and very proud" groups. I'm not God but I can assure you the angels are not dancing in heaven when someone joins these group"

lol! That is not religious! That is pure bigotry! I hate such groups.

Asoom said...

All I have to say is facebook was soooooooo much nicer when not everyone was allowed to join, it started out as a college network and you had to have a '.edu' to make an account (one account!), sorry if that excludes you guys but it actually served a practical purpose then and it was a much 'cleaner' environment

Deemco said...

hahaha funny and true!

7aki Fadi said...

LOL at number 6 "The last time you were religious was when you prayed to not be caught kissing in the car."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG this is tooooooo funny.

Nas said...

see, now when i talk about babies like that, everyone just stares at me funny

Qwaider قويدر said...


I hate face book, and I will never stop!

Keepem coming!

Anonymous said...

Never liked it,never even started one..The pictures,the display of personal info didn't appeal to me at all and I don't get what its purpose..
For some reason people didn't learn that this can only spell trouble most of the time..

moi said...

11. please get someone to take a picture of you instead of posing in front of the mirror and showing us the flash in the middle of the pic.
12. get over yourself. you don't need 34 albums documenting every club, restaurant, and party you've been to every weekend for the past 3 years.
13. unless you are really a homosexual, please don't say your "engaged" to your best friend, or your "married" to your classmate, it's not really funny.
14. DON'T invite me to add another stupid application that some joe shmoe in nebraska created which will enable him to see all my personal information.
15. please refrain from kissing the camera.
16. we know how you look in real life. no need to stop by the salon before you take your profile pic.
17. if I don't know you, don't add me. If I don't add you for a week, don't add me again.

Salamonti said...

hareega ur the man )))
can i add to my list on facebook??)))))

Maher said...

HAREEEGAAA!! #1 is the best!

Ps : how's Arizona after they defeated the cubs twice?

omery15 said...

HAHAHAH Dude you pinpointed everything out hahah i might not agree with one or 2 of these.. but all in all that was great

good job with this post

Hareega said...

secratea.... but it's fun to see it, besides it gives me a chance to find something to blog about :D

the observer... absolutely man, one thinks s/he'll go to heaven when they join them

asoom, i guess it was, but money ruins everything

7ki fadi, deemko thanks for checking

nas you gotta be careful when you tell a woman that her baby is ugly

Qwaider, sure man , i will send you more jokes on facebook

noura... exactly it looks like it's causing some problems, people just misuse everything.

moi... haha good ones!! yeh those applications are very annoying except for the world travelers's IQ that's awesome

salamonti of course man add me

maher... Ariozna is joyful, we gotta wina again like we kicked some new yorkan ass in 2001. I hate baseball dont understand the rules very well but i watched the game yesterday with joy, love the cubs though.

omery khamesta3sh, you're welcome dude we need your support for the Suns this year bedna nakhoth el dawri el ma7alli

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Ta7sheesh inta ya zalameh I swear to God.

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