1- No more bikini pictures please! Your french bikini might match your thick lebanese accent but the hair under your armpit is enough to cover the heads of ten bald men.
Next time a picture of you with little clothes covering you up will be in the morgue after your distant cousin chops your head off.
2- Stop making groups saying, "If a thousand people joined this group, my insecure ugly cracked up friend will come visit us in Jordan this year"
Excuse me, but is he the new Messiah coming to Jordan to save the world? And if these groups do work I'll make a one, "If one thousand people joing this group we'll cut his head off and make this head his new profile picture"
3- When updating your status, write something useful or shut the hell up.
Don't write "I'm at work". We know it's a surprise that you got off your ass and started working, but why are you announcing that?
And those annoying losers who never stop counting.... from day 30, "30 days to go, 29 days to go, 28 days to go..."
I feel they wake up every morning to log in and change the number.
If I give a shit about what you're counting down for, I would have called on day "30 to go" to ask. If I care about you I would have known what are you counting down for without checking facebook.
4- For some relatives, I'm sorry if I didn't add you as a "super-relative" or "super-friend" on facebook. I didn't know you ever existed before facebook came out.
5- For those idiots who post their birthdate and address and email on facebook, are you crazy? Don't you morons hear about identity theft? Don't you know that 70% of identity thefts are done by people who know you? May you also leave your credit card number and three of your contacts in case I needed them? If you're such an idiot then you deserve it.
6- Stop joining all these "I'm Christan/Muslim and very proud" groups. I'm not God but I can assure you the angels are not dancing in heaven when someone joins these group. The last time you were religious was when you prayed to not be caught kissing in the car.
7- You can't start a group for charity purposes and not donate anything. You can't support Darfur when you can't locate it on the map. You can't join a group to help poor kids when the members in the group are more than the money you've ever donated to anyone, including the beggars you cuss when they knock on your car's window.
8- I know you have a multiple personality disorder, but you don't have to prove that by placing more than one person in your profile picture.
9- You don't get to be my friend if you haven't called me in five years. My drunk neighbor knows about me more than you do and I don't even call her a friend, at least not when she gets arrested.
10- Having 700 friends doesn't mean you're popular. Having pictures of you hanging near the swimming pool edge doesn't mean you're a good swimmer, and all kids under the age of 3 months are very ugly. They look like zombies with their bald heads and protruded eyes so stop taking pictures of them. Besides, it's really hard to capture the rare moment when they're not screaming, peeing on the floor or shitting in your face.
Respect to the world,