Monday, November 05, 2007


Outside her apartment she stood with her baby girl, she looked at the view of the desert outside and smiled.
Erica was my new neighbor. She moved to the apartment next to mine a few months ago with her husband. They looked like a beautiful couple.
I couldn't get to know them better. I was busy and they were busy, but I recently noticed that they were fighting.

Now I'm sitting in my apartment, it's one in the morning, ready to go to bed. I started hearing the screams again.
This time it is getting more intense, they've been screaming for about 20 minutes now. This fight has taken too long, and ooops!! I can hear the sound of something hitting the ground really hard.

Bumm, now it's hitting the wall.
The impact was so strong I felt that I was hit.

The man was screaming, but the voice of Erica has disappeared.
I really thought he killed her.

But wait, here is her voice again, she's screaming again. She's crying , a lot. I wonder if their kid is still asleep, not sure. She's screaming again, and here we go again, he's screaming too, maybe he's crying also. But the poor lady! I've never heard anyone cry that loud.

In my old apartment I once heard such voices, and it then turned out the neighbors were just screaming in excitement for a football game. But now it's 1 in the morning, and the sounds of punching and slapping are unmistakable.

Erica was silenced again, but here she is screaming and crying again.
I'm so surprised how she knows she's gonna beaten again but she can't stay quiet, she wants to let it out.
I feel sorry for the woman, I feel sorry for the child.
I feel sorry for any woman who thinks she has no option but to live with a monster who treats her like an enemy.

Just an advice from a man with a very poor experience in relationships: Never live one more second with an abusive partner. I can bet with my life that Erica just had one of the worse nights in her life.
Abusers are ill-minded. They have plenty of psychological issues and unless they seek professional help, nothing will change.
Things WILL NOT GET BETTER just by waiting.

Here's some selected words for the battered:

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart

Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart


Adoosh said...

Very sad story, and sadly it happens alot in lots of places..
I guess, from my poor experience as well, that any women who accepts to endure such treatment is only doing it for the sake of her children, for them not to grow up missing one of their parents..
That also applies to husbands who have to put up with some kind of abusive wife..

Jasmina said...

Ooh, how nice are the words and how awful is your neighbour's situation.

I miss reading in your blog :( I am so damn busy :'(

ola said...

That's ugly! tab why didn't you call the police or something? Oh let me guess: she will pretend nothing happened and you'll be charged with false alarm... classic! I wonder how could any woman still love a man who treats her like dirt!

Yasmine said...

If it happens again, you should report it, hareega! For her sake and the sake of their kid! He shouldn't get away with this and she shouldn't have to live with it!!

Maioush said...

I can’t imagine why would any sane woman want to live with a guy who abuses her like that, for god’s sake, we are human beings, can’t people just “TALK”?? I mean, is you are angry, go ahead, scream, yell, whatever… but hitting each other??? and oh my god, the baby girl was sleeping too!!!
So sad!!

sophia said...

Yes hareega,
this phenomena is increasing eveywhere, especially in our arab world, where alot of husbands forget that they are humans, and that God had gave them power, otherwise they would have been helpless.

My advice to you - and its up to you- that you should try to help your poor neighbour, at least by advicing, I know that you are a foreigner in US, and that you dont want to involve in troubles and headaches. But, just do it because you are a human.

kinzi said...

Good advice. But weren't you tempted to call the police?

Even in Jordan the Family Protection Unit will call a wife-beater on the carpet. Even a wealthy, wasta-blessed Dabuuq dwelling husband.

Hareega said...

Adoosh... yes some husbands get ebaten by their wives, for some reason I don't feel as sorry for them as woman who get beaten by husbands !!

jasmina, thank you for coming back!

Ola... somehow women get submissive with time. Many of these women have something in their personality that makes them accept physical abuse, they suffer from it but they think it's normal or that they have done something wrong to deserve to be beaten up.

Yasmine, unfortunately that is not my decision. It's hers. She's an adult and she is the only person who can complain or call the protection agency. Nobody else can make that decision.

maioush... it happens everywhere, some women live it for decades. Most of them eventually pay the price of such relationship.

sophia...that guy can kick my ass. It's very inappropriate in the US to interfere in other people's personal lives, it's not appropriate in Jordan too but in the US it's so much worse even if it was for a good cause, and people do hurt each other here for that reason.
I can't offer her more than what a protective agnecy or the police can.

kinzi, I was about to call them when she stopped screaming, I thought she died -I really really thought so- but she went back to sceaming again. I can't call the protection agency for her even if she was my patient and she came in to my clinic with bruises all over her body, I'm not allowed to call the cops or the protections agency , it's her choice as a competent adult. If it was a child I have to call but for adults I can only encourage them to seek help but I can't ask for it myself.

Isam said...

its really an important issue ... and you wrote about it in you own special way ...

good to see you post again ...

tinkerbella said...

wow, that is so sad..:(( but ur right, these women were either abused as children and think its "normal" or they think they deserve it...or maybe htey love that person and think they will change, so are willing to endure it.

either way, its so sad to see these confused women with a broken spirit, unable or unwilling to get help...

and the men are just sick... i dont know what they think it adds to their masculinity or makes them feel powerful but in truth they are worthless pcs of trash!!

Yasmine said...

Some women in these situations are too afraid to take any action. She may think that if she called, he would find out and hit her even harder. Someone should do something about it!

P.S. I don't like this new way of posting replies :mob:

Hareega said...

isam thanks a lot for checking

tinker ... interestingly many of these men are very weak or have very shaken characters, they're not those machos who like to beat the hell out of everything.

yasmine... actually some women get killed once they try to contact a protection agency, but as long as they are competent adults they should be the ones asking for help and they will find it

Hareega said...

yasmine, i also edited the posting options back to what it was, i had hundreds on spam comments the past 2 weeks so i had to enable word verification. sucks

Salamonti said...

doc why didnt you call the cops?

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