Monday, January 29, 2007

Any idea how to kill yourself?

I was about to see this young lady in the Emergency Room and I saw the nurse's short note "Patient here for suicidal attempt. Had a fight with her boyfriend then swallowed 8 pills of valium and drank half a bottle of vodka. She says "I want to die today" "

I checked her hospital chart, she had seven previous suicidal attempts in the past by swallowing a few pills and drinking alcohol. She always ends up being admitted for a month or so to the psychiatry unit then discharged home, then she would have a fight with someone and take a few pills and come to the hospital saying that she tried to commit suicide and that she wanted to die.
This seemed to never end.

My attending physician (my boss) caught me,
"So Masannat what's your plan for her?"
"I'll admit her to the ICU for observation tonight, if she's stable tomorrow she'll go to the psych unit"
"Cool, love this plan"
"I'll also tell her that our hospital has ten floors, if she decides next time to kill herself she should forget about the pills and go up the tenth floor and throw herself up from there".

I was excused from seeing her.

So how was school today?

Another usual day in Iraq....

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Very Medical

In the clinic I was looking for a restroom, couldn't find any

then I found a room next to me , looked like a bathroom from inside, with a label on the door, "Micturition Room"

I asked another resident next to me, "Does this mean this is a bathroom?"

He said, "Yes, but it's just a micturition room, defecation is not allowed :) "

Monday, January 22, 2007

Snowing in the Desert

Enjoying their meal, watching a boring football game..... towards the end people stopped eating , and the waiters stopped walking around the tables. Everyone was looking outside in some sort of shock and joy, it was snowing.

Many people spend years and years in Tucson without seeing it, the climate here is much more hot than in Amman, last winter we had a total of 7-10 days of rain and that was it.

Snow is something people very rarely see. We did today. It was awesome.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Have you seen these pictures before?

Click on the pictures for a larger image
The Hijazi Railway in Ma'an - 1918

Stamp dedicated for the marriage of late King Hussein with Queen Dina -1955

Queen Zain El-Sharaf with Prince Hassan Bin Talal

Meeting In Basman Palace after a failed coup in 1958

King Hussein with King Faisal of Iraq in 1960

For more pictures you can check my previous posts from last year

Hay number ONE
Number Two
Number Three

How can you tell a Jordanian guy is looking for a wife?

It's also a rip-off , 13 dollars for a shirt and 6 dollars shipping, uffff!
Besides, my Jordan-will-win-the-2006-World-Cup is worthless now, although I was able to convince my neighbor that Jordan tops the world in football

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Top Ten Reasons Why Jordan Should Have a Nuclear Program

Top ten reasons why Jordan should possess nucelar weapons
(I wrote these by the way)

1-If we make efficient nuclear bombs we can sell them for a good price to build another bridge in Abdoon

2- It will be a different topic to talk about other than the high prices and the influx of Iraqis.

3- Nuclear energy can destroy our women's fertility so they'd stop getting pregant ten times durig their life.

4- It will provide job opportunities for physics teachers in public schools who will otherwise die of starvation.

5- Nuclear explosions produce enormous amounts of heat which most Jordanians cannot afford in this cold winter.

6- Parliament members can use them to threaten each other in their daily fights in the Parliament.

7- It will provide a chance to check if anything can overcome the power of five men farting after finishing a meal at Hashim.

8- A way of following the steps of previous governments: spending lots of money on things that don't help people and will probably never be used.

9- When we're done building the nuclear reactor we can build a big mall next to it.

10- For protection: America can never attack us because it only attacks countries which do not possess weapons of mass destruction.


Shake that thing

I was sitting on my sofa , watching TV, when I suddenly heard someone screaming from my neighbor's apartment.....

I think I heard a man screaming, then I heard my neighbor screaming...... then her dog started barking really loud.

I tried to listen to what they were talking, but couldn't.
Two minutes later, I heard screaming again, now I started getting worried.

Things got calm for a while, then I heard hims screaming again, this time real loud, he screamed again and again, the dog barking, and her daughter was screaming, saying words I could not hear clearly....
then the sound of glass breaking....
I was concerned, and I remembered my neigbors from the old apartment when a man used to beat his wife nonstop for the whole night, every single night, and she would beg him to stop and he never did.

He kept screaming really loud, and now I stopped hearing her voice, and I stopped hearing the daughter's voice, the dog stopped barking, and the man was the only once screaming, his voice shook the entire building.....

We share the same wall, and now I felt the wall shake, I didn't know what it was, but I was scared to death, I did not know what shook it , it could have been a body. Silence prevailed afterwards. I wanted to check if she was OK but was scared to death to do so.

I turned my TV off trying to hear anything, but I heard nothing, all was quiet.
I wasnn't sure if I should call 911 or not, I called my landlord but she was out of her office, I laid on the sofa, tried to resist falling alseep.....

I woke up 2 hours later, but did not hear anything. I had to leave for my later ER shift, wasn't sure if I should leave my apartment.

I opened my door quietly, walked a few steps outside, and with the edge of my eye took a quick look at her apartment.

I found her sitting with her boyfriend, her duagheter and the dog outside, smoking and drinking beer.

She said smiling, "Did you watch the game? The (Chicago) Bears won."

"Oh great , congratulations! " and I looked at her boyfriend with his "54" T-shirt , he looked at me, raised his hand, looked at the sky and screamed "Yeeeeeeeah man, we woooooooon"

I took off and thanked God everyone was still alive, thanx to the Bears.

Five things about me

I finally responded to a tag, yel3an ha!


1- I was exposed to tear gases (3'azaat moseeleh lal dumoo3) a few times in my life, the first one when I was 14 in a football game (Yel3an abu el Faisali 3a abu el wehdaat)

2- When I was a young teen I used to write Sport articles in local Jordanian newspapers (Addustoor El Riyadi and Al Midaan Al Riyadi)

3-I love Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and N-sync, damn I love their songs. I hate myself for that.

4- I once sued a guy by mistake. It was my first car accident and I wanted to make an accident report (Krookah) however I messed up the paper application and sued him by mistake. We had to go to the court in Salt to cancel the case. All I remember about that poor guy is that his mother's name was Ghanameh !!

5- Once in Chicago (when I was 20) at 3 am I was walking back to my apartment and I seriously had to pee so I turned around and did it in the beautiful Lake Michigan . I'm glad we were not caught by the cops or else I would have been charged with public exposure and nuditiy.

thanx oriental blog for the tag

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Jordanian and the Jew

I was doing my Thursday morning clinic, and a medical student joined me so I would teach her.

At the end of the day I was finishing my long notes and totally ignoring her because I wanted to leave early (yes I'm so irresponsible) , then she asked , "Your name is Egyptian, are you from there?"

"No, I'm from Jordan"

"Are you Palestenian?"I was thinking how stupid is she , "No, I'm from Jordan so I'm Jordanian"

"I mean originally, are you Jordanian or Palestenian"

Now I thought: I am stupid she is knowledgable.

"I know a lot about the region" she said, as I caught the name (Libermnan) on her name tag (Yes she was with me for 4 hours in the clinic and I didn't check her name)

then she continued, "My husband is from Israel, he's an orthodox Jew, and I'm very liberal, my parents were athiests, it's strange how we got together"

"So how did you guys meet?"

"It was an arranged marriage, just like the ones you have in Jordan, are you married?"

"No thank God"

"Isn't your mother looking for a young beautiful Jordanian woman for you, before you hook up with an American woman who can corrupt you?"

"I told her not to look for one, I'm not getting married now"

"Do you know Kareem the Moroccan guy in 3rd year?


"I was the one who hooked him with his fiancee Anglea, and they're getting married next week!!"

I looked at her and saw satisfaction in her eyes, reminiding me of our grandmothers who bragged about how many couples they have hooked together.

I told her, "Ya Bakht meen Jamma3 Rasain Bil Halaal" and added "that means good for you!"

She said, "Don't worry, I won't look for a Jewish girl for you, I don't want your mother to kill me hehehe"

"No but I'm fine now, I'm single and happy"

"What do you do in your free time?"

"I hang out with friends, watch TV..... and play computer games, just got a bunch of them from Jordan"

"Are they computer games where Hizbullah and Israel throw rockets on each other?"

"Nooooo, it's just football games although that rocket game could be fun"

"Did your mother visit you?"

"Yes she did last year"

"Where did she stay?"

"In my apartment, she was kinda upset that it wasn't very clean, so next day she did all the cleaning and cooked for me"

Then Liberman seemed a bit surprised , "Ooooh that is very Jewish"

"She said if I get married I'll have someone to cook for me and do laundry, and my whole life will become more organized, but she wants a decent girl whose parents are decent people. preferrably someone she knows"

"Oooooh that is very Jewish", she replied as I was packing my things and preparing to leave..... then she added, "maybe I'll start looking for a Jewish girl for you".

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Friday, January 12, 2007


One of our patients was staying in the hospital for a few days for an infection in his leg. He is 77 years old.
He is a TV guy, so he brought his DVD player and own TV from home and was wathcing TV 24/7, fine.

One day I went inside and he he asked me to come back in 5 minutes because he really had to pee. HE did that once or twice after that, fine that happens often with other patients.

One night I went inside and he was sleeping on his bed, I looked at the TV and Oh, there was porn. I looked at the DVDs he got and they were all porn, the voulme was turned off.

I woke him up, and told him that this is totally inappropriate. I should have called security and they would have confescated the DVDs, but the little old man was apologitic and seemed very embaressed and I kinda felt sorry for him. He promoised to never do it again.

I switched hospitals in January and a new residenct took over my service. I met her today.

She said, "Do you know that one of my patients who's almost 80 still watches porn, he turns the volume down and watches porn all night!"

I asked, "Is that Mr. R*$#@ ??"


My program director (who is himself 80 years old) was listening to us and said , "he might be old, but he's not dead"

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Most Fantastic Moments Ever

I had a similar thread last year and here is another of some of the most fantastic moments in the History of Sports, moments that will keep the most avid "Sport haters" watching, here they are in random, not in order, just the ten of them, all together.....

1- The Champion Dies Racing

Brazilian Aryton Senna was the world champion in Formula One, so popular that he started diverting his people from watching football into watching forumula one races. In 1994 he crashed his car in a race in Imola, Italy and died tragecially. Before his fatal accident he described the race circuit , "There are no small accidents on this circuit." Here's a short clip of the accident

2- Italy in 1990: Arrivederci
Italy hosted the World Cup in football in 1990 and seemed to be on its way to the final with great performances lead by 'Totò' Schillaci, Roberto Baggio and a record-breaking performance by keeper Walter Zenga. In the semi-finals against Argentina the final score was 1-1 and in the penalty kicks Argentina won after great saves from its keeper Goycochea.
Click here for a clip of the last penalty...

3- More than Perfect
Nadia Comaneci was the first gymnast to score a perfect 10 out of 10. Look at this clip and see how the score board was not set to give a score of 10.0 so it played 1.00, but the crowd understood that it was 10.0, the first perfect 10.0 in history.
She was 14.

4- Sex Bomb
Even if you're not into skating like I am, you gotta watch this. Evgeni Plushenko won the gold medal in the winter olympics in 2006 and was the world champion three times. Watch this outstanding and very creative PG-13 performance! This is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen. Again, World Champion.

5- The Promised Land.... in Extra Time.
It was the Final Game in Europe's Champions League in 1999 between Byern Munich and Manchester United. The Germans were leading 1-0, the game was almost over , but in extra time two substitutes scored 2 goals from Manchester and the English team became Europe's champion. A real drama.

6- This man Eats Ears
I don't want you to get disgusted, but this was a shocking moment in Sports. Mike Tyosn bit off part of Hollyfield's ear on the ring and chewed it. Ewwwww. Glad it lasted only a few seconds. By the way tyson once said , "I wanna eat your heart, I wanna eat your children!" ... almost there.

7- Greece
Prior to 2004, you could have mentioned one thousand great things about Greece, but none of that would be their football team. In 2004 Greece, whose qualification to the final rounds came as surprise, shocked everyone and won the cup proving that anything whatsoever can happen in football.
Here's a clip of their winning goal in the final game against Portugal.

8- The Greatest Jump Ever
This is the best World Record ever set, most of us have not lived it. In the Olympic Games in 1968, Bob Beamon jumped for 8.90 meters setting a new world record that lasted for 23 years. As in Comanecci's case, the measuring device was not prpeared to record a number that high that time, so the referees showed three numbers which sum up to 8.90!!
Here's a clip of the greatest jump of all, colored!

9- The Hand of God

Maradona used his hand to score against England in 1986. The referee (Ben Ali) did not see the hand and gave him the goal. A few minutes later Maradona went ahead and scored the best goal in the history of football.

10- Ronaldinho's Special
This was in the Quarter-finals of 2002 against England. The goal speaks for itself.


I hope you enjoyed them......

Faisali, unbeatable in Arabia

Al-Faisali is playing in the Final-8 round of the Arab Champions Cup and kicking some ass

Defeated the champions of Saudi Arabi (El Naser), Kuwait (Kuwait) and yesterday defeated Algeria's champs (W.Sateef)

Now leading its group with a perfect 9 points out of 9 possible.

Nothing is more perfect than that

Thursday, January 04, 2007

In the middle of the night

"Am I boring?"

"Am I boring".... I heard it again, and wasn't sure if he was repeating it or was it just the resonance of his voice in my head. I opened my eyes and thought if it was just a dream. NO! He's sitting here in front of me, smiling, and asked again , "Am I boring?"

I realized it was not a dream. I looked at my watch and it was 1.40 AM, good it was only 2 or 3 minutes. That was the first time , and only time so far, that I fell asleep while talking to a patient.

The patient could have kicked my ass, he could have filed a complaint or even sued me but instead he apologized for being boring, he thought that made me sleep. I told him it was OK and kept talking as if nothing happened.

It's ironic how I move from one bed to another while at work but cannot crash on one bed of these to take a short nap during a long night of work.
I remembered how a medical resident in another hospital got sued by a lady because he fell asleep on her chest during a physical exam.
After 30 hours of continuous work, don't expect me to be awake.

The disaster is driving back home after those 30-36 hours of nonstop work. Sometimes I take a short nap in my car before I drive, but I realized that made me more sleepy. Sometimes I play Hakeem or Heavy Metal in my car to keep me up but this music just causes me severe diarrhea. I haven't crashed my car yet, but I once missed the turn to house and kept driving straight in the street because I was.... sleeping. Two residents with me had serious nonfatal car accidents because of DUILOS (Driving under the influence because of lack of sleep)- I made up this term.

It happens with me all the time. My barber had to wake me up a couple of times after finishing the haircut because he had other customers waiting. I would order something to take-away at a restaurant, go back to my car take a ten-minute nap which would last an hour and a half only to come back to find a new person at the counter who doesn't know what the hell happened with my order.

But what sucks, what truly sucks, is when I come back home wearing my clean shirt and tie with a big meal to eat, turn on TV, start eating and suddenly fall asleep. I would wake next morning, with ketchup on my shirt, the TV still on, and I got paged by my intern because it's 7 am and I'm already late.

I'm not complaining. This is a job that I chose and I was expecting this, but in case you were driving in the street and saw someone crossing 2 red lights and terrorising pedestrians, or if you were sleeping in the hospital and I come over and take a nap in your lap, or I smell like baked potatoes with ketchup drooling from my hair.... I hope you'll understand.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

? من نحن ?

نحن امة لا تختار زعمائها
لا تختار من سيحكم و لكم سيحكم وكيف سيحكم
نعرف الحاكم جيدا لكنه لا يعرفنا
نغير الدستور كي يناسبه بدلا من ان يتغير هو كي يناسب الدستور
نخافه كثيرا بدلا من ان يخاف منا
و بدلا من ان نحاسبه نحاسب من يحاسبه
نكذب انفسنا بدلا من ان نكذبه
نرقص له ونغني لبقائه
واذا ما جاء غريب واطاحه
نرقص على رفاته ونغني لرحيله
ونستقبل الطاغية الجديد بالزغاريد والقبل
ونغير الدستور ونغير انفسنا
ونغير المدن واالاحياء واسماء اطفالنا وشوارعنا
ونغير الحدود ومجاري الانهار
ونغير ابعاد الكرسي المخملي لكي يناسب ابعاد قفاه العملاقة التي ستلتصق به لفترة طويلة جدا
نغير الوطن والدنيا كلها الا هو..... لا يتغير

Monday, January 01, 2007

How some tyrants end

Augusto Pinochet

A man who overthrow an elected government
became a dictator
killed his opponents and tortued his people for 17 years
Introduced the mass graves to Chile
(check this video)
Finally..... he was removed from power
and the time has come for the tyrant to pay the price of his crimes
So he was

Excused from the trial

Left alone

and when he died of natural causes, got a military funeral