Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Fart in the Dark

Every while and then I keep thinking of the philosiphy of farting. On Average a human being farts 14 times everyday. If i have a patient who's constipated I always ask him whether or not he farted, if he did it's a good sign the bowels are moving. If not... then hmmmm there's a problem because everyobody should be farting.

Some patients don't like the question although I always put it in a nice way "passed gas, flatus??" . An old man once felt really offended and turned the question back on me , to which i answered, "I just did".

The question which has been bothering me for two decades is why do people tend to fart more in the dark. The answer which makes most sense is that people tend to see farting as a shameful thing to do in public, despite the great feeling it brings (unless it's followed by an undesirable biological outcome) . Therefore, once the lights are out, the music begins, bommm bommm bommm chuck chuck ewww ewww bomm bomm chuck ewwww ewww

When I'm doing the long calls in the hospital I might be sitting next to another one writing orders and checking lab results on the computer, when suddenly I hear the voice "bomm bomm" and I look around in horror but to find someone beside me smiling "it's me dude"... 15 minutes later another missile and again "dude dude it's me stop looking jeeez".

The puzzle comes when someone you barely know farts really loud and you don't know what to do, shall I ignore it or just give him a smile enno weslatna 3ammo ya3teek el 3afyeh or pretend it's his way of saying hello and in that case lazem arodd el salaam bi salaam thaani agwa menno.

When you're with your friends you feel free to fart, otherwise they're not true freinds. However some farts will be remembered for years to come. Every while and then you can stop a friend and tell him "btzakkar man lamma ro7na 3al kal7a o lamma rje3na 3al bait daggena bi 3 kyaas gthameh o ba3deeha 7adertak farra3'et el 7umooleh bi wejhi??"

Everyobody farts so don't be ashamed of being a human being, just don't be too human in front of me and keep your farts to a minimum. However in case you're having a conversation and all what you're saying is stupid and doesn't make sense, fart. Fart immediately as people will remember this fart more than your stupid illogical words, as the Arabic proverb says "Law Fasait o ma Hakait".


Anonymous said...

What about brain fart

Anonymous said...

what's the brain fart?

Anonymous said...

It is when you forget what you dowing

jameed, RPh, MS said...

this brings to mind two points: one is an older poll we had on JP on how long it will take a person to fart in front of his/her significant other, and two, a recent South Park episode in which spontaneous internal combustion is linked to people holding their farts, as a result, all citizens are asked to pass gas on daily basis. this in turn results in global warming.

Sabri Hakim said...

14 times a day, wala ikteer

lulu said...

LOOOL.. I wasn't feeling so good today until I read this. Did you guys really debate how long it would take to fart in front of a significant other? What was the result of the poll???

Anonymous said...

talking about farting...last week i was with my friend's grandma in the supermarket who is Asian - Asians don't mind farting and they feel its is so unhealthy to supress it - and she let a very loud one go.. everybody was looking at me then!!!!

Anonymous said...

jameed, how did u answer that poll?

Sabri... etha mesh msaddeg ballesh 3edd

lulu i'm also intertested to know the results

Anyonymous, we got a few common things with Asians

Anonymous said...

I have to say that this is the funniest post ever, walah you made my day. I laughed so hard that my mom came from the other room to see what is so funny " malek ya benet?". I had to pretend to be reading something else, ya3ni i cannot tell her am reading about farting.
Anyway, we used to have a cat that farts alot, and when the smell comes out, we would blame each other for it untill we finally discivered that we have a farting cat (how nice ;))